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Bonds between brothers and sisters are among the longest lasting and most emotionally significant of human relationships. But while 45 percent of adults struggle with serious sibling strife, few discuss it openly. Even fewer resolve it to their satisfaction.In Cain's Legacy, psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, a recognized authority on sibling psychology (and an estranged sister herself) illuminates this pervasive but hidden phenomenon. She explores the roots of inter-sibling woes, from siblicide in the book of Genesis to tensions in Frederique's family history. Drawing on sixty in-depth interviews with adult siblings struggling with conflicts over money, family businesses, aging parents, contentious wills, unhealed childhood wounds, and blocked communication, Safer provides compassionate guidance to brothers and sisters whose relationship is broken. She helps siblings overcome their paralysis and pain, revealing how they can come to terms with the one peer relationship they can never sever -- even if they never see each other again.A heartfelt look at a too-often avoided topic, Cain's Legacy is a sympathetic and clear-eyed guide to navigating the darkness separating us from our brothers and sisters.
About the Author
Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., has been a psychotherapist for thirty-eight years. She is the author of The Normal One, Death Benefits, Beyond Motherhood, and Forgiving and Not Forgiving. She appears frequently on television and radio and lectures widely. She has written for O: The Oprah Magazine ,More, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, among other publications. She lives in New York City.
Douglas Mock, George Lynn Cross Research Professor of Zoology, University of Oklahoma, and author of More Than Kin and Less Than Kind: The Evolution of Human Conflict
In Cain's Legacy Jeanne Safer unravels the complex emotional dynamics of human sibling relationships. And I'm glad she doeswhile most of us make a hash of our dealings with sibs, it helps to know that others are muddling through these issues as well. Her insights on family social tensions help us to understand the incomprehensible.”
New York Journal of Books
Psychotherapist Jeanne Safer's Cain's Legacy is highly recommended for those who want to think about siblings in a new way, as well as get critical insights into the area of sibling strife, its causes, and potential remedies. Dr. Safer digs deep into the world of sibling strife and makes this complex, emotionally charged area accessible to the reader through exceptional organization and conceptual clarity.”
Winnipeg Free Press
Cain's Legacy is an engaging albeit sometimes disturbing exploration of the complex lives of human siblings.... For those suffering troubled relationships with brothers and sisters, Cain's Legacy may open a door to understanding why and just perhaps the path to reconciliation.”
An important contribution to the self-help bookshelf.”
Reeve Lindbergh, author of Forward From Here and Under a Wing
Cain's Legacy is a compelling, deeply intelligent book about a subject all too often avoided: how destructive relationships between siblings can be, how much a bad sibling relationship can hurt us long after our childhood years are over, and what can be done to acknowledge and repair the damage. Dr. Jeanne Safer has made another courageous, illuminating journey into the dark places of family life.”
Elizabeth DeVita-Raeburn, author of The Empty Room: Understanding Sibling Loss
In Cain's Legacy, Jeanne Safer goes where at least a third of Americans fear to treadto their troubled and seemingly intransigent relationships with their adult siblings. Safer makes the powerful argument that our brothers and sisters have a profound influence on who we areeven when we appear to be disconnected. For siblings in strife to make peace with the past, and even forge a new present, requires clear-eyed plumbing of the nature of the connection, says Safer. Cain's Legacy shows you how.”